GET WELL Soon

GET WELL is a charming, dingy bar just West of Ossington on Dundas, with a bright sign outside and a foreboding darkness within. Inside it’s larger than you think, with a front section of tables, a long bar, and even an elevated little balcony area. The artwork is eclectic and arresting, provided the dim lighting allows your critical perusal, and the staff is uniformly charming. The bar opens up into a small congregation area and culminates in free arcade games and a take-out pizzeria (North of Brooklyn Pizza). There’s a couch in the back and a standing table to lean on whilst waiting a turn on Ms. Pac-Man or Double Dragon.

The beer list is exceptional. A rotating list of largely Toronto beers, plus an extensive collection of bottles and tallcans all very reasonably priced. Guaranteed there’s at least one decent IPA, plus a stout or porter for those after that flavor. The place is busy on a week night, but there’s room for all in the spacious thoroughfare and arcade area, and you can get a table if you wait in the right spot. Weekends become a little tighter, but I’ve had a charming time in the throng of that place, surrounded by the art and games while gripping a hoppy beer, enjoying the not-too-loud music. It’s a worthwhile stop on the strip for you avid Ossington bar-goers.

~Sam Scrimger

The Day I Didn’t Want to Die

 

I could say that I just knew, but that’s cliché. I didn’t know, but on my way to work that morning, there were signs.

I kissed my wife and two kids before leaving the house. “Goodbye”, I said, not knowing the weight behind the words. When I walked outside, the grey looming clouds weighed on my mood. Suddenly, I froze in my tracks. A sly black cat purred between my red Mustang and me. It looked at me through slits of fluorescent yellow eyes. I stared back and it seemed to read my mind. A second before I could say “shoo”, it bared its teeth and scurried down the street. I shook my head, and  checked my watch. I shook it again.

I threw my leather computer bag onto the passenger seat. The initials J.S stitched onto the flap courtesy of my loving wife. I placed my tea in the cup holder and shut the door. The second it shut, the skies opened up. Buckets of rain splattered across my windshield and blurred my vision like a sheet of ice. The wipers moved it away momentarily, but it was quickly replaced. Clapton’s Tears In Heaven filled the air with a beautiful sadness. I remember thinking, ‘it seems a fitting song for the weather.’ When I went to change the station, I could’ve sworn my eyes were playing tricks on me. The audio system, tuned to 99.9, seemed to flash 66.6. I blinked hard, reopening to a solid 99.9. It was time for a change. AM sports. All this before I even left my driveway!

I turned onto one of the major roads near my house and headed north to school. It was awfully hard to see, but I only had a 10-minute drive ahead of me. Of course I hit the first red light, which gave me time to look at myself in the rearview mirror. I was troubled as my own blue eyes stared back, empty. I was used to seeing them lit up in the morning with avid focus. When I looked up to the traffic lights, they appeared to be flashing red. A honk shook me out of the daydream. Green means go!

At the next intersection, my body began to tremble. A wave of anxiety crashed against my nervous system, drowning it in fear. I couldn’t figure out why this was happening, which made the wave grow larger. My sweat glands opened up like the skies, forehead reflecting off the rearview mirror. I couldn’t hear the radio anymore so I pressed the power button with my shaky finger. Silence. All I could hear was the sound of rain drops hitting the glass, spreading on impact. I looked out my window and my focus shifted directly to the corner of the intersection. A ring of flowers had been nailed to the rickety wooden fence. There were other bouquets surrounding it. “We love you, Jason” was branded across the top. Terror grabbed my heart as I turned my head back into the car. The “J.S” on my workbag looked bolder than ever.

“How have I not noticed that memorial before?” I said out loud. Another honk. My foot pressed on the gas, harder this time. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that seeing my name on that memorial was a bad omen. I felt like I had to get away. Get away first, think later.

I could hear my tires treading down the slick road as I flew down the left lane. They made a squishy sound beneath me. Getting stopped at another red light felt out of the question. The very thought of sitting still with my thoughts was enough to cloud my judgment. The light before me turned yellow, and my foot pressed the metal. I drifted through the intersection two seconds after the light had turned red, but I was coming in too hot, approaching the top of a hill. The Mustang took off, leaping high through the air, the hot tea following suit.

You always see it in the movies, people’s lives flashing before them as something horrible happens. I never thought it to be true, until then.

Everything from my first kiss to holding my first child scanned my mind like the most vivid roll of film I had ever seen. The ironic thing is that it’s supposed to “flash right before your eyes”, but it doesn’t happen like that. It passed through my mind and yes, I could “picture” it, but I couldn’t actually see it. All I saw was the dark clouds, the road in front of me, and an old cemetery off to the right side. The endless rows of stones spanned for miles like a medieval army. I wasn’t one to give up easily, but I had lost all hope. The signs were too much for me to bear. I pictured my wife and children sitting at the dinner table, next to an empty place setting. It brought tears to my eyes a top the horror beneath. This isn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to become one of those stories people talk about. “Hey, did you hear about Jason?” I wanted to see my children grow up into adults. I wanted to grow old with my wife. I didn’t want to die.

—–

Dave Maze is an author, teacher, musician, and avid fan of rainsticks (mmm…tranquility). To read more about him visit www.mazetheauthor.com

A Conversation with the Unconscious Mind

It can be argued

But nothing

Is truly identical

There’s two sides of the brain

Choices that are opposing

Fighting

 

I met myself

Just to get to the point

Wasn’t a twin either

Twins

What a thought

But she was me

I was her

The way I reacted to seeing her

Me

Was very strange

It was like looking at your reflection on drugs, in the out limits 

She smiled at me

I looked in shock

Why did she accept me so freely

‘I’m going to tell you a secret’

That is what she told me

‘Sit down, the soles of our feels are going to start feeling like pins and needles. ‘

She sat on my bed

I sat at my computer chair

‘Come closer’

She looked down

‘You want to’

What is the secret?’ I came closer

‘Just listen

I’m going to try to answer the question that gives you the most anxiety

An explanation about your existence

Our existence.’

 

Stop asking question s

You are a product of the unknown

Everything that you prove

Will be disproven

All of your dreams

Could be your nightmares

But you’ll never know

Until that moment

And what? She asked me

 

‘Only this moment exists’ I said

 

Exactly

I won’t say all the things you want will come to you

But there is no harm in asking

I won’t say don’t waste your time crying

But when you do, do it with sincerity

As you should with everything

Do it with passion

As you should with everything

 

Do not blame yourself

Do not blame others

As the wind blows

It changes everything in its path

 

Know things won’t always be one way

Know that death is near

Know that this is meant to be an experience

Not one of joy or sorrow

Just

An experience

 

Also know that what I say will not change you

But when you look back into yourself

And you see me

Accept me, and all you are

With no regrets

With no question

Because your universe

Your answer

Is within you

It cannot be found anywhere else

 

Don’t dull yourself with distractions

Don’t scream at your pleading thoughts

Keep things a secret, make people assume

So your truth isn’t flawed by theirs

We are all different

Every single one of us

But we are all in an experience unknown

Together

 

I can go on with a list of advice

Just know that something always started from nothing

You’ll never get all your answers

It’s okay

Enjoy the roller coaster while it is here

It has an ending

 

My eyes started to water

‘Please don’t cry?’ she asked

 

‘I’m so overwhelmed’ I screamed

‘Those are not answers

I’ll always freak out

I’ll always be afraid.’

 

She smirked

‘And what’s wrong with that?’

 

‘Are you serious?’ What a question

 

‘What do you want to feel? Joy all the fucking time, do you not want to question things, come up with your own ideas, your own reality, you want me to tell you the truth? What would that change? Would the questions ever end? Answer your own questions, enjoy your experience, and could you stop wishing for death? You’re not going to get it!’

When you die

It will be like your birth

The very moment you are brought into this world

The moment you are taken out

You are not aware that you are alive or dead

It just happens

There will always be a blur between one world and the next

 

‘Why are you telling me all of this?’ My face burning up

 

‘Because I am not happy inside of you, you’re asking all the wrong questions, doubting and wasting my time, my dreams, our potential.’

 

I looked at her in shock

 

Come back to the center

Your core

Do the things you are capable of doing

Do not question if it is possible

Look around you

Does it look like there is much that is impossible?

 

Listen to others and help where you can

Give back

And take what is offered

Give others the answer you’ve been give

Feel with sincerity and passion

 

‘And most of all get your head out of your ass, I’m here for you.

I will never leave you.

Give me a hug

I love you’

 

I went to give her a hug and it was the warmest hug, the best puzzle piece, it was melting me

 

She pulled me back

‘See you on the inside’ She smirked

                A jail reference

 

Then she burst into dust

I spent the rest of the night breathing her in

—–

Donné is a graduate from the University of Waterloo. Currently she paints, writes and conducts therapeutic art sessions in Toronto. http://alythia48.weebly.com/writing

Impact – The Fire In Your Eyes

 

Life happens so fast. We seldom stop to think about how our actions affect other people. We don’t realize that doing or saying something that’s minor to us has the ability to change someone’s life forever. One should always think about the impact that can be made on this world and the people in it and not be afraid to leave their mark, even in unexpected places.

————————————————————————————————————

It’s Halloween. A bone chilling wind howls through the air. Little Danny’s arms are beginning to hurt from a full tote bag of candy. There’s just one more house on the block to go to before heading home.

Danny walks eagerly up the brick stone steps as his father watches under the orange glow of the street lamp behind. He raises his small, pale hand. His knock is timid. The door swings open.

“Trick or treat!”

“Well, look at you.” The muscular man smiled. “Looks like that firefighter helmet’s a bit big.”

Danny adjusted it, revealing the front of his fire red hair. Innocent blue eyes stared straight through the man, to the silver candy filled bowl behind him.

“There, now I can see you.” The man chuckled. “Do you want to be a fireman when you grow up?”

“Well, I did, but…but…”

“But what?”

“But the kids at school were all making fun of me. They said I look stupid in my coat. That I could never put out a fire because my hair would just set it off again.”

The man motioned Danny’s father over.

“Well, that’s not true at all. Look at me.” Watery eyes stared up as the man pointed to his buzzed orange hair. I’ve put out hundreds of fires and saved hundreds of lives. If you want to be a firefighter, you can be the best one there ever was. “

“You’re a firefighter?” Danny’s eyes opened wide like the sky. The man nodded.

“Rick.” Danny’s father extended his hand.

“John,” the man shook strong.

“It looks like your son has enough candy to last him a long time. I’ve got something better.”

“What could be better than candy?” Danny said with sincere curiosity.

“You’ll see. Here, come in from the cold for a moment.” He ushered them to the warm foyer. “I’ll be right back.” He ran up the spiral staircase.

Rick shrugged at Danny and helped unzip his rubber yellow coat. Seconds later, John came rushing down the stairs like a kid headed for the tree on Christmas morning. “Here.” He bent to hand Danny a picture.

“What’s this?” Danny asked.

“You see that woman holding her baby?” Danny looked down at the glossy image. He could see a woman hugging her baby, who was covered in soot. John was in the background, dressed in full gear, smiling. “This is my favourite picture,” he said. “I saved that baby from a burning apartment and returned her to her mom.”

“Wow!” Danny’s innocent blue eyes lit up like sparking sapphires. “Wait, but if I take it, you won’t have it anymore.”

“Your son is quite a gentleman. How old are you, Danny?”

“Eight.”

“Well, Ocho Dan.” The boy furrowed his brow. Rick smirked. “I have plenty of copies. Whenever I’m unsure of myself, or question why I do the job I do, I look at this picture. That’s all I need to know that I’m doing the right thing.”

“Cool.” His helmet almost fell, sitting crooked on his head. “Can you sign it?”

“I’d love to.” He pulled a red sharpie from his pant pocket like a magician would a nickel. “I wasn’t planning on it, though.” He winked at Rick.

“Thank you so much!” Danny said as he took the freshly autographed picture back.

“You’re very welcome.”

Rick checked his watch. “We should get going now.”

“Thanks again!” Danny’s grin spread from cheek to cheek. John waved.

When they got home, Rick gave Danny a frame. He put the picture on a nightstand next to his bed.

————————————————————————————————————

The towers were hit. As Clouds of smoking chaos filled the air above, swarms of terrified people scrambled on the streets below. He had never seen anything like it. Nobody had.

Beads of sweat lifted the dirt from his cheeks as they trickled down to the ashy floor. He scanned from left to right and heard it again.

“Help!” the piercing shriek echoed down the corridor of the 75th floor. He bolted down the hall as if his heavy suit were made of feathers.

“Hello?” he yelled. A horrifying scream stung his ears. There were no words behind the terror. He found her lying under a fallen desk, leg crushed beneath. Without a moment’s hesitation, he summoned his inner Hulk and moved the heavy wooden desk just enough to free her shattered limb.

“I’m going to pick you up.” His assuring voice slowed her tears. “Ready? Three, two, one.” She recoiled in pain as he placed her upon sturdy shoulders. As he ran down the hall he motioned to three petrified adults huddled in a corner. “Let’s go!” They all headed for the stairs.

Every step posed a new challenge, but instinct motivated him to push on. By the time he stepped to ground level, the other building had fallen to the ground like a sand castle, dusty and destroyed by the tide. It took mere minutes to locate a vacant ambulance. When he did, the woman couldn’t stop thanking him. He nodded and turned around. Dark blue eyes stared up at the burning anarchy before him, reflecting the fire. He took a deep breath and moved forward.

“Wait!” a concerned voice reached out to him. “You dropped this.”

The man turned around to see the picture of a mother and her baby in her hands.

“Thanks,” he said.

“I never got your name…”

“Danny.” He stared at the picture for a moment, put it back in his jacket, and vanished back into the carnage.

—–

Dave Maze is an author, teacher, musician, and avid fan of rainsticks (mmm…tranquility). To read more about him visit www.mazetheauthor.com

The Lonely Poet’s Wife

As he sits in a writer’s daze

His pen flows across the page

Wandering from thought to thought

It’s all for the thrill of the chase

With these dreams he’ll race

Not caring if the thoughts get caught

“It’s a circle of not knowing

If I’m coming or going.”

He says with a nervous smile

“I can adapt to change

When the world’s estranged.

I’ve been doing it for a while.

She crept in my heart like a disease

& she could kill me if she pleased

But in a way she saved my life.”

She is of beauty and of wonder

Like the lightening and the thunder

She is the lonely poet’s wife

“& when she said to me,

‘Please just leave me be’,

I’ve often tried to replace her

Empty one night stands

Can’t compensate the emotional demand

I’ll never rest without her.”

As the lonely poet sits

His heart seized up in fits

He prays to see her smile

He’s still in the realm of not knowing

Whether he’s coming or going

But he knows he’ll be a lone for a while

He’s begged upon his knees

He’s tried so hard to please

His teacher and his bride

But when the sky falls down

& no hope is to be found

He has no where left to hide

“To run from her is a sin…”

A pause as he begins

To justify his mistakes

“I’m trying to avoid the pain

I’ve felt time and time again

When she causes my heart to break.

It may sound absurd

The way I justify my love for her

But she’s the only love I’ve had.”

These words were written

By a poet not tear stricken

But in his heart he’s sad

Born and raised in Toronto, Eli Jakeman started writing poetry twenty-five years ago.   Nowadays,  he is concentrating on his podcast and stand-up comedy.

The Sickening Storm

2003, I squint out the dusted window with sick fear. As I compulsively look down and count the number of dead flies wedged between the window and its inner frame, our rusted RV is calmly nestled in a group of 5 large, intimidating pine trees. They created a circle around us that was mentally satisfying. It created an illusion of safety. However its true intentions lie in the darker realms of kidnap and isolation. With our two front tires playing dead, my father and I sit in fear and silence. Neither of us had any significant knowledge in RV repair, and there’s no cell phone reception to call for a mechanic. I remain content with my vacant mind and no drive to fix the tires. At this point I transfer my eyes from an intelligent, observational looking squint, to a blank stare into the foggy abyss that was the forest. Along with the fog came violent hale that lightly tapped the sides of our RV, creating a soothing rhythmic pattern that put my brain into a pleasurable tingle.

Despite my dire need to sleep and hopefulness that the tires are fully inflated by the time I wake up, I am immediately disrupted by a large crack of thunder followed by a thin zigzag line of light that disappeared in the jagged hills beyond. I am mentally alert and at this point I am determined to fix the tires. ”Dad”, I say with confidence, “we have to fix the tires or we’ll be here for an unsettling amount of time.” I have Mono and my throat is burning with various colored phlegm spitting out to the tip of my tongue. I would have been satisfied with a cheap mug that said ”I love Canada”, bought from run down tourist shop but now we are stuck here. Clearly the gods have written a different story for me on this cold night. My dad has tunnel vision. His big brown eyes with crust in the corners look at me with concern. ”You rest” , he says, rushing over to me with unsatisfying, half drunken hot chocolate, and a large blanket with a dull red maple leaf spread across its middle. ” You sit, I believe there is a spare tire in the back, I’ll run out and try to fix it.”

We exchange quick glances as he finishes wrapping the blanket around my bony shoulders. I want to stop him, but he has a will, and I will not get in his way. I close my eyes tightly every time I had to swallow saliva, as the pain is sharp and intense. I weakly move my neck over to the window and hear the quick splashes he makes with his tan construction boots as he runs to the back of the RV. A newspaper from last week covers his head against the rain. Despite its immediate decomposition he clings tightly to what remains. I look again and see him rush to the tire with an imposing looking tool. With each strike of lightning I can vaguely make out his large framed silhouette in the shadows of the fog. He is rotating the tool counter clockwise, but due to the rain his grip seems loose, and his maximum effort is required. Moments later I sit there with anxiety and sense of pride that warms my overworked heart. My dad is taking care of me and at the same time showing admirable determination to get us out of our muddy, wet, flat tire predicament. I feel the RV suddenly jerk to the right. “The tire is off”, I happily conclude. Within minutes I am banging on the window giving my Dad support for all his efforts. I can feel the RV shift up, causing my weak cold body to fall back onto the cheap, coffee stained couch. He runs in the trailer. His shirt is drenched in sweat, mud and rain. His beard went from intimidatingly scruffy to a thin soaked line of hair that falls down to his chest. He looks at me with a large smile spreading from cheek to cheek. He demands that I rest amid assurances of homeward travel. The key in the ignition is music to my ringing ears. As we back up I feel like I can never amount to the bravery shown today by my progenitor. From the rough road that forcefully throws me up and down on the not so well suspended couch to the smooth gravel our day has drastically improved. From that day on, whenever I look out the window with a warm cup of cocoa I always remember that night. My dad exhibited a graceful amount of primal instinct to protect his young through hard times. To this day  I don’t know if he fixed it correctly or chose to follow a more liberal interpretation. Regardless, I decided from that day forth to emulate his compassion and will-to-survive with my own children someday. Whenever there is a borderline hurricane, I no longer feel sense of insecurity and fear because I know my Dad will always be there, dead or alive, as my wet bearded angel.

Joel Van Gent

A Streetcar Named Balls

I sat in a single seat
Beside the doors in the middle of the streetcar
Finally a roomy seat to call my own
Slowly the dregs of society pack in
Like a constipated streetcar
Still, I’m okay
My seat is roomy
Then this big black man in a jester hat parks
himself right in front of me
His balls eye level
5 inches from my face and they stink
I cringe on the inside
Does this man get some twisted pleasure out of
flaunting around his stinky nuts?
The odor of 10 day old underwear attacks me
An apocalyptic blend of stale urine, shit and old
sweat
This must be what real poverty smells like
Regardless
Why me?
I finally get a good seat and this is what happens
Ya maybe I should have given my seat to that 80
year old lady with the crutches
but still
why can’t I get a hot girl
in tight pants
waving her ass in my face?
A street car stripper
Hell even a nice smelling homosexual would have
been preferable to this bastard
But no
not me
I get the man with the stinky nuts
Fuck I hate street cars
—–
Matt Ross is a writer and musician based out of the Parkdale neighbourhood in Toronto, ON.  He’s self published two books of poetry and prose called “Dreg City” and “The Degenerate”.  His books are a brutal and hilarious examination of the common man and the horror of the nine-to-five.  For copies of either book email kingofthedregs@live.com 

The Benefits of Healthy Living

A sad, pathetic man eats his lunch alone. He doesn’t mind. He’s outside in the park, it’s a nice sunny day, people are enjoying themselves all around him. Today for lunch he has an egg salad sandwich, some baby carrots and an apple juice. For him it’s a healthy lunch. More often than not it will be leftover pizza or leftover pizza pockets or a stale bagel with some sweaty cheese. On Fridays he treats himself to a Big Mac meal, but he’s thinking about changing that.

Today marks the first day of his new, healthier lifestyle. Apple juice is good for you, carrots improve your eyesight and eggs have Omega 3. He doesn’t know what that means for him, but the carton of eggs had Omega 3 written on it in big letters so he knows it’s not a bad thing. His bread is whole grain.

“What other lifestyle changes is he thinking of making?” you might be asking.

Well, he’s started to go to bed at a regular hour, 10pm, and gets his full 8 hours by 6am. Waking up that early makes his day feel so long and now he doesn’t know what to do with his time. Too many hours in the day. It was better in some ways when he was only getting four hours a night, had to force himself to get up for work, grumbling and hating everything. At least his constant tiredness made him irritable and life seems like it has meaning when you have something to complain about. At that time his whole day was just a sort of fog, events and people that he only half-registered passed by him, what little bit of his surroundings he was able to focus on made him angry or tense, until the feeling passed and he sunk back into the haze. Went home, made dinner, or maybe got takeout and then went to bed. Maybe if he was feeling rebellious he didn’t brush his teeth. But no longer! Today is the first day of the rest of his life.

Sandwich finished, he opens his reusable container filled with apple juice and takes a sip. It tastes good and it punctuates exactly how he’s feeling today. Healthy and bland. He sets it down next to him, starts on the carrots and notices a horde of pigeons nearby. A toddler is feeding them some sort of mushy looking thing, maybe old macaroni. A cyclist goes by and the pigeons scatter into the air. As they fly over, one of them shits and the shit lands right in his apple juice. The man is disheartened, but at the same time, what are the chances of that? The hole in his reusable water bottle is only an inch wide, maybe an inch and a half. Crazy. So he can’t have his apple juice anymore, that’s okay. Now he has an interesting story to tell. He looks at his watch and realizes it’s time to go back to work. Grabs his bottle of juice and shit, throws out the wrapper from his sandwich and finishes his carrots on the walk back. When he gets back to work he goes to the bathroom and pours his tainted juice in the toilet, takes a pee and flushes. Then he punches in. Goes up to a co-worker and recounts the tale of his lunchtime.

“So I was sitting in the park and a pigeon shit in my apple juice!”

“That’s so gross,” the co-worker says back to him.

“I know! And the hole at the top of my water bottle is only like an inch, maybe an inch and a half wide! What are the chances!”

“That’s really gross.”

“I know!”

Now he’s satisfied. It’s so rare he ever has an interesting story to tell and that’s something that’s always kind of bothered him. He’d be at work and a colleague would come in with a crazy story from their weekend or the night before and tell it to someone else and our hero would listen in and be in awe. Some people lead such interesting lives! But now he too is one of those people. The benefits of his new, healthy lifestyle were already showing themselves.

—–

Sean Grounds is filmmaker and animator from Toronto who also enjoys writing. You can check out some of his work here: http://konrar.wordpress.com/